Somebody told you to stop caring what people think, probably somebody who has never had to live inside your particular set of relationships, your particular job, your particular family group chat. The advice is not wrong exactly. It is just useless, because caring what people think is not a switch. It is closer to a reflex, wired in before you had any say in the matter.
You have tried the workarounds. Affirmations, therapy language, telling yourself their opinion is none of your business. Some of it helped a little. None of it made the feeling disappear when you actually walked into the room. Three thinkers on the Consilium roster would approach this from different directions, and they would not agree about whether making the feeling disappear is even the right goal.
Diogenes: burn it all down
Diogenes of Sinope would not offer you a technique. He would ask why you are negotiating with the problem instead of walking away from it. He lived in a barrel, owned a cup until he saw a child drinking from cupped hands and threw the cup away, and treated the opinions of Athens' most powerful men as noise, not obstacles worth managing. When Alexander the Great stood over him and offered to grant any wish he named, Diogenes did not ask for money or protection. He asked the most powerful man alive to move, because he was blocking the sun.
Stand a little out of my sunlight.
That answer only makes sense once you have stopped keeping score of who is watching. Diogenes would say the caring does not need to be managed or minimized. It needs to be starved, by shrinking your dependence on the things other people's approval buys you, status, comfort, belonging, until their opinion has nothing left to attach to. He would tell you the discomfort you feel is not a flaw to fix. It is proof of how much you still have to give up.
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Roosevelt: the feeling doesn't get a vote
Eleanor Roosevelt would push back on the premise entirely. She spent decades as one of the most publicly criticized women in the country, mocked for her looks, her politics, her marriage, her voice, and she never claimed to feel immune to any of it. Her answer was not indifference. It was that the criticism did not get final say over what she did next.
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Read carefully, that is not a claim that you control the feeling. It is a claim that you control what the feeling is allowed to decide. Roosevelt would ask you to separate two questions you have probably fused together: do I care what they think, and do I let that determine what I do? She would say the first one may never fully resolve. The second one is a decision available to you today, before the first one is settled.
Pascal: what are you actually running from?
Blaise Pascal would ask a question neither Diogenes nor Roosevelt bothers with: why do you need the audience in the first place? He would point out that most people cannot tolerate their own company for more than a few minutes, and that craving other people's good opinion is often a more comfortable problem to have than the one underneath it, which is being alone with your own mind.
All of humanity's problems stem from man's inability to sit quietly in a room alone.
Pascal would say chasing approval and avoiding solitude are the same behavior wearing different clothes. If you cannot sit with yourself without needing someone else's reaction to confirm you exist, no amount of "stop caring" advice will hold, because you have not addressed the vacancy the approval was filling. He would ask what happens when the audience is removed entirely, not as a strategy, just to see what is actually left in the room.
Where they disagree
Diogenes would say the goal is to want nothing that other people's approval can buy. Cut the dependency and the caring dies with it.
Roosevelt would say that is not realistic for most people, and it does not need to be. You can keep caring and still act. The feeling and the decision are not the same event.
Pascal would say both of them are treating the symptom. The real question is what the craving for approval is covering up, and neither indifference nor discipline answers that on its own.
None of them would tell you which one is right. They would tell you that "stop caring" is doing the work of three very different projects, and you have probably been trying to run all three at once without choosing one.
The question you came here to avoid
You did not search this question because you want a personality transplant. You searched it because one specific person's specific opinion is sitting in your chest right now, and you want it gone by tomorrow. None of these three would promise you that.
So instead of asking how to stop caring, try asking what you are actually afraid would happen if you let that person keep thinking whatever they think, permanently, with no correction from you. What would you have to give up, or become, or admit, if their opinion of you simply stayed unresolved?