bell hooks Quotes

On choosing love over control in a relationship:

The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression.

On deciding whether what you have is actually love:

Love and abuse cannot coexist.

On recognizing control disguised as love:

Whenever domination is present, love is lacking.

On choosing a partnership over a hierarchy:

The practice of love offers us a way to move beyond servitude and subordination.

On being afraid that loving openly makes you weak:

Dominator culture has tried to keep us all afraid, to see love as weakness.

On defining what you actually believe instead of the label others give it:

Feminism is a movement to end sexism, sexist exploitation, and oppression.

On reaching out for help instead of grieving alone:

Rarely, if ever, are any of us healed in isolation. Healing is an act of communion.

On silencing yourself because you worry you're doing too much:

No black woman writer in this culture can write too much. Indeed, no woman writer can write too much. No woman has ever written enough.

Deciding whether a relationship offers the kind of openness that lets you leave and return without fear:

A generous heart is always open, always ready to receive our going and coming. In the midst of such love we need never fear abandonment.

Deciding whether to stay in a relationship where fairness keeps breaking down:

Without justice there can be no love.

Deciding what principle should actually guide a difficult stand you're taking:

The soul of our politics is the commitment to ending domination, to ending patriarchy and racism.

Auditing whether a relationship actually has the ingredients of real love or just the feeling of it:

To truly love we must learn to mix various ingredients: care, affection, recognition, respect, commitment, and trust, as well as honest and open communication.

Deciding whether love or anger should anchor your activism:

Black people need to be reminded that revolutionary movements are fundamentally rooted in a love ethic.

Deciding whether to keep investing in a flawed institution that still offers real opportunity:

The classroom, with all its limitations, remains a location of possibility.