Topic

boundaries

5 essays on boundaries from the Consilium journal. Featuring Erich Fromm, Iris Murdoch, Jane Austen. Each pits three thinkers against one hard question.


Relationships

When Do You Stop Making Excuses for Someone You Love?

Three thinkers on love and excuses. Fromm says you are not seeing the person. Murdoch says attention is love. Austen says the excuse hides something about the person making it.

Erich FrommIris MurdochJane Austenboundariesself-deception

Relationships

Why Do I Push People Away?

Three thinkers on why you push people away. Winnicott says the hiding hopes to be found. Schopenhauer says closeness has costs. Rilke says love the distance.

D.W. WinnicottArthur SchopenhauerRainer Maria RilkeAttachmentBoundariesSolitude

Relationships

What Do You Say to Someone You Love Who Is Hurting Themselves?

There is no right thing to say. Oliver says stay present. Miller says the wound is older than you. Carnegie asks what winning this argument actually costs.

Mary OliverAlice MillerDale Carnegiecareboundaries

Relationships

When Should You Put Yourself First in a Relationship?

Three thinkers on selfishness in love. Adler says connection is the point. Klein says guilt is the clue. Le Guin says the self is not a thing you sacrifice.

Alfred AdlerMelanie KleinUrsula K. Le GuinSelf-CareBoundaries

Relationships

Should I Forgive Someone Who Isn't Sorry?

Three thinkers disagree on forgiving without an apology. Rogers asks what you feel. Lorde asks what your silence cost. Dostoevsky asks what you really want.

Carl RogersAudre LordeFyodor DostoevskyForgivenessBoundariesHealing

Related

Alfred Adler Alice Miller Arthur Schopenhauer Audre Lorde Carl Rogers D.W. Winnicott Dale Carnegie Erich Fromm Fyodor Dostoevsky Iris Murdoch Jane Austen Mary Oliver Melanie Klein Rainer Maria Rilke Ursula K. Le Guin Attachment Forgiveness Healing Self-Care Solitude care self-deception

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